Over the past few weeks there have been a lot of new people coming into my Facebook group confused. They’re asking questions and making statements like:
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t know how to get started.”
“I don’t know where to find clients.”
As I grow my business, I’ve learned a couple of tips and tricks and I’d love to share them with you today to help you get rid of the confusion and into a space of clarity for yourself and your life.
There are an endless series of decisions that need to be made on a daily basis. What to wear, what to eat, what to buy. There are also bigger life decisions surrounding divorce, marriage, job, children, etc. Life’s a little bit messy so we don’t always see the options that are available to us. And when talking about business, not everything is necessarily black and white.
And what happens with a lot of us is, we sit in this confusion, as opposed to taking some action to get where we need to go. Before you know it, the opportunities to take action and change direction have passed us by. We get paralyzed and this can turn our world upside down. When this happens in business, it’s particularly dangerous.
I have had this problem myself, and I got to thinking– where does this problem come from?
Let’s stop and think for a minute. How many times when you were growing up in school did you get to do things over? When you went in and took a test and you got a D, did you get an opportunity to do that again?
Not usually, right?
We learned early on that you don’t get to do things over. You get one chance and you live with the outcome.
That’s not how it works anymore. Now that we’re adults, it’s different. When we look at our children playing ball for example, we’ll encourage them to try again and again, but for some reason, we don’t give ourselves permission to do the same thing in our business lives. But if we don’t allow ourselves to do this, there’s no way to move forward.
So to help you step out from the confusion and into clarity a little bit faster, I want to lead you out of this darkness. So you can move from being this confused person over to somebody who’s more competent and can move forward.
I’ve got six steps to show you, so let’s get started!
1. Gain Clarity By Trusting Your Intuition
As a woman, intuition is your biggest gift. I believe it was given to us instead of men for a reason. But we aren’t trusting it enough. How many times have you had that feeling? That nudge inside that warned you not to do something? How did it usually turn out when you ignored it?
Most of our confusion comes from not trusting ourselves. We’re constantly questioning our decisions, our choices and our capabilities. And that behavior is reinforced by society who says we need a man to make these decisions for us.
Ask yourself this – what would you do if you weren’t afraid? If you had absolutely zero fear what would you do? Really explore the question and be still as your brain gives you the answers. Write them down. Re-read them.
So once you get that answer, you’re likely to experience fear around it because it’s scary to realize you’ll have to step outside of your comfort zone and take action. Know what you do next? Ignore it. Ignore the fear. Ignore what others will say and do the work anyway.
Life is a series of free will choices. Nobody’s going to force you to be successful.
I don’t want you to think about how others are going to react. I want you to just tell yourself the truth. You’ve got to become courageous enough, or you’ve got to become pissed off enough, broke enough, sad enough, fat enough, and generally fed up to get to a place where you’re willing to get honest with yourself, or just get the hell out of being a business owner. That’s all I can say to you. If you can’t do this, if you can’t find the courage to go into the dark corners and shed light to clear up the confusion, you will never succeed.
2. Find A Quiet Place
I want you to find a quiet place. What do I mean about a quiet place? Some answers might not be evident at first. A lot of times we run on being busy. That’s what a lot of people are doing, right? It’s easier to be busy.
“I’ll buy that course.”
“At least I’m doing something, right?
It alleviates some of that anxiety. But what you and I need to do (and this is the scariest part when you’re running from yourself), is to slow down and tell the truth. Calm yourself down, whether it’s meditation, whether it’s going for a walk, if it’s the beach, if it’s the forest, if it’s maybe you need a nap. Get still and listen.
To get to that place, maybe you need to start getting honest with yourself about what you’ve been doing. And then I want you to ask this question, “what is true for me about this specific topic?”
If you hear an answer, then go with it. If all you hear is static and chatter, I want you to move onto the next point. But first let’s talk about this one. What is true for you about this specific topic?
Let me tell you a little story. I’ve been married and in my heart of hearts, I knew that the marriage was over. I knew it. I couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t want to go there because I didn’t want the consequences of what was going to happen. All of the shame and embarrassment around it. But it was inevitable. It was absolutely inevitable. I spent way too long punishing myself. I had to do confront myself about it.
So ask yourself that question around your business. How much longer are you going to punish yourself? What’s it going to take to get you to slow down?
3. Release the Confusion by Releasing the Negative Energy and Emotion Surrounding It
A lot of you are fucking angry. A lot of you are so sad. A lot of you are so depressed and you hold that energy inside and that is causing the confusion. That has got you mixed up on the inside. Take a break. You can change your physical position, right? Change your physiology and sometimes just sometimes that’s what it takes or go for a run.
I used to run all the time until I blew out a knee. What is it that you need to do? I heard a story the other day about a lady that was told by her mom, “run out your feelings and your emotions and your anger.” She took her advice to heart and became so fast that she made the olympic team. Amazing, right?
I think all of us have got a lot going on. I think a lot of us have been quite good about hiding a lot of things for a long time. You’ve got stuff and people in your life that you just need to give them the boot. Clean house, make some changes, and have some courageous conversations, but if you’re not there and you’re not able yet, for whatever reason to talk to these people in your life, take care of you by getting that emotion out. Whether it’s physical exercise, meditation or whatever. Find yourself a safe place to cry or stomp, or shake a tree. There’s something really powerful with that. Right?
I’ve gone through a lot of self-help workshops, and I used to do that a lot of work on myself. They would get us to stand on chairs and scream out loud. I was like, seriously? I thought I was going to pass out because I had so much inside.
If you don’t release that toxic stress regularly it will start to build up. If that is in there, that sadness and that fear, it’s related to the decision physically and it’s you need to get rid of it, right? Especially if you’re feeling the fear around the decisions that you need to make, right? That’s the next piece of this.
Maybe you are upset about a lot of things in your life. Maybe you’re really resentful over the years of caring for others. Or perhaps putting everyone else first. Or there’s a deeper level of fear that’s involved in what’s happening right now. Whatever’s going on, it’s time to clean house.
4. Get in Front of Somebody You Can Trust
If you’ve gone through the first three steps and still have some confusion, go outside of yourself and seek some advice. I want you to get in front of somebody who you can trust. Somebody who has the courage to be honest with you. And you need to be ready to receive the truth. I want you to gather the information that you need from outside sources.
I had a best friend who has since passed, but she was someone I could always depend on to tell me the truth. One time, she dealt me a particular piece of truth and I couldn’t talk to her for like three days. I was so upset. Not with her. I was upset with the truth, but then I thought, “thank God someone loved me enough to tell me the truth.” She was such a loving, incredible human being. So I’m really grateful for that, and I hope that you’ve got that in your life as well.
5. Make all decisions from a place of logic, not emotion.
A lot of women are panicked about making money. We get worked up about things we have absolutely no control over. What we do have control over is who we are and what we stand for. If you’re going to build a business, you need to build it based on math not emotions.
I really want you to hear me say that if you don’t know the numbers in your business, you can’t make proper decisions. Do you know? Do you know how many clients you need to talk to to get a certain amount of clients or income? Do you know those numbers? Do you have your math? If you don’t, you’re going to be panicked and you’re going to continue to panic. Get some systems in place and check your math.
6. Hold on to what you know to be true.
I love working with women because I know what you’re capable of. I can see it in you. We’re in this circle together of life that helps lift each and every one of us up until we get where we need to go. Right? Sometimes we just need that support from other people to reinforce what we know to be true. You need to find someone that can help you. You need to start to shine a light on this direction that you want to go. And not focus on who you used to be, or what might happen, or how many times you’ve failed before. You need to focus on moving forward.
Where is it that you really, really want to go in your life?
Find a quiet place and spend five minutes reflecting on your belief systems. Which ones are false and which ones are still true? Take inventory of all of them and chances are you’re going to find that you’ve been holding onto a lot of false beliefs that no longer serve you.
These six steps will move you from confusion to every single time. I hope you enjoyed this. I hope you take these actions. Even if you’re scared to death, do it. Then tell me what happens. Until next time, peace out!
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